January 2016

"I'd like a carrot muffin and a small coffee please."
"Okay... here's your carrot muffin. And you said, a medium coffee?"
"A small coffee."
"We only have medium and large" (points to two cup sizes).
"Then I would like the smaller of the two alternatives."

Barista silently hands coffee to customer.

EXEUNT

Reader m.po sent this "curmudgeonly and William Safire-ish" list of words & phrases from the depths of officespeak and millennial-by-way-of-advertising-speak.
It's hard not to use these on a regular basis. Many are just linguistic shortcuts, skid-greasers, and ice-breakers but that doesn't mean they aren't a blight on speech.
m.po says "I started keeping the list [of phrases] so I could make damn sure never to repeat any even as their cretinous lure was upon me, like $2000 'cash back' or a box of chicken mcnuggets (I’m lovin it)... a lot of these are the linguistic equivalent of a fist bump."

…(?), not so much
yeah, right? or i know, right?
its all about...
no worries
to “rock” something , "nail" or "kill"
cool or super-cool
all good
go to
been there done that
i'll do the (some food item on a menu)
my bad
ad nauseum variations on "think different"
peeps
you got this; lets do this
have a great day
have a good one
just sayin'
crazy (adjective) e.g. crazy smart
(noun) hack(s) e.g. life hack or kitchen hack
wait for it...
game changer
dont go there
bring it
get your (...) on
I love me some...
I'm loving the...
to "onboard" or "onboarding"
sammy
breckie
on the same page
whatevs
totes
reach out
curated
handcrafted
artisanal
mansplain
on so many levels
cringe-worthy
good stuff, wonderful stuff
sea salt and cracked pepper
rock star
go big
deets
this is useful
having issues
touch base
litmus
#fail
deep dive
“hate on” something
“you got that right"

Update, Feb. 2017: m.po added more, below. We'll put them up in another post after a few more of these updates.

because…(noun), e.g. because…football
impactful
chicken and egg problem
bring to the table
team player
new normal
win-win
outside the box
no brainer
... much?
good luck with that
feature not a bug
vacay
staycation
wassup
off the hook
that’s money
FOMO
its what we do (or its what you do)
any variation on "owning it"
sked, or worse, skedded
get myself some... (coffee, food, etc)
pivot
black swan
perfect storm
facing headwinds
tipping point
tail risk
wake-up call
an "aha" moment
data driven
loaded for bear
living the dream
optics
takedown
natch
tuck into (e.g. she tucked into a salad of roasted beets and cornichons)
bingeworthy, bingeable
relatable
backstory
...forward (fashion-, malt-, dog-)

Update 2, Mar. 2017: More additions:

disrupt/disruptive
doer
creator
thought leader
influencer
sharing economy
join "the conversation"
cray cray
meh
"loop me in"/"looped in"/"in the loop"

Update 3, Mar. 2021: Sadly reader m.po died last year and won't be making any new additions. In his honor I will keep updating the list, starting with these:

baked in
in the weeds
your ask
jab
lockdown
herd immunity
stimmy
keep your powder dry
lean in
vaccine breakthrough (meaning "breach")
low-hanging fruit
in your/my/his/her wheelhouse
skin in the game
make bank
self-licking ice cream cone
boil the ocean
i'll revert (meaning "I'll get back to you")
let’s circle back to that
it is what it is
take this offline
flip me a soft copy
for what it’s worth
let’s blue sky this
action items
spend (noun) or spendy (adjective)
ghost (as a verb)
supercut (meaning "compilation")