from Quartz/The Atlantic, a listicle titled "The complete history of Twitter as told through tortured descriptions of it in the New York Times." This is just 2006-2008:
“…a blogging-like tool for quick updates”
—November 24, 2006“…a new, free communications service”
—April 22, 2007“This short-messaging service allows you to ‘micro-blog’ your life in 140 character bursts.”
—November 29, 2007“The micro-blogging service…”
—December 28, 2007“…one of a number of so-called microblogging services”
—January 21, 2008“…a group-messaging application”
—February 14, 2008“…the instant messaging service”
—February 25, 2008“…the Web site Twitter, where users write small blogs called microblogs”
—March 2, 2008“…'lifecasting' services like Twitter”
—May 4, 2008“…a service that enables subscribers to electronically (and almost instantaneously) broadcast what they’re doing”
—May 1, 2008“…the mass text-messaging service that sends out short ‘tweets’”
—November 15, 2008“…a Web messaging and social networking site that is itself known for frequent downtime”
—July 6, 2008“…another social networking site best described as a micro blog”
—July 8, 2008“…a messenging service that lets people send updates of 140 characters about what they are doing or thinking to the mobile phones of people who sign up to receive the constant stream”
—August 2, 2008“…the social-networking service that allows users to send out brief messages — “tweets” — to large groups of friends via cellphone”
—August 3, 2008“…a Web site and messaging service that allows its two-million-plus users to broadcast to their friends haiku-length updates”
—September 7, 2008“…a hyperspeed form of blogging in which you write about your life in bursts of 140 characters or fewer, including spaces and punctuation marks”
—September 21, 2008“…which lets users send short messages with updates on what they are doing, is popular with a tech-savvy crowd but crashes frequently and has not figured out a way to earn significant revenue.”
—September 22, 2008“…the short-message communication service”
—September 30, 2008
How about "A place to publicly jot down random but reasonably well-phrased BS that may or may not have anything to do with one's life or activities."